28 April 2008

by Rob McCrae

What Would Jesus Drive, The Handshake Affair, The Thin Men, Dolium, Ivy’s Itch, Vatican DC, The Thirst, John Mattias, Grand National, Bad Love & Licker, Natty, Pop Levi

"He looks like someone who sells mung beans at Glastonbury but never judge a hippy looking fella by his beads because this is a catchy, staccato lo-fi disco number."

What Would Jesus Drive – We Made This EP
With a song called 'Boomtown Twats', it’s not going to whizz up the chart at Woolworths especially as a it practically begs you to hate it (e.g the band/song names, it’s made in Brighton, the musicians are happily married) but the end product actually sounds like some listenable punk pop.

The Handshake Affair – Oh, Oh Get Her In
German rock creates images of men with poodle haircuts and not necessary a singer trying to empty out his throat using a scalpel like an end of level guardian using his voice to repel the hero. Death metal has its attributes but often they are indiscernible to the naked ear.

The Thin Men – EP
The intro sounds like third album Stereophonics fronted by a foppish man in a velvet hat twirling around in haunting new romantic circles. Songwriter and performer Blair Jollands has been drinking up the whole Patrick Wolf phenonomen and then burping it out with mixed results.

Dolium – Junkie Howlin’
I can’t imagine anyone actually saying they like the band Dolium because it sounds like you’d sheepishly order it at a chemist and it would come in a pitch black bag. However the “operatic screams and terrifying low frequency guitar noise” lend itself to acceptable Heavy Trash comparisons.

Ivy’s Itch – Dear Sweet Aveline
This was recorded in a vortex or under the Westway or in a village hall using the mike from an obsolete tape recorder with a vocal that sounds like a witch from the countryside shaking her fist at a tree. Or worse.

Vatican DC – Bugs
This song would be perfect for the scene in Coronation Street where the mechanic declares his true feelings for the girl in the laundrette and then walks down the road to the backdrop of depressed children with coal on their faces. Yawningly northern.

The Thirst – Sail Away
The Thirst are a pair of brothers with an unoriginal line in band names and facsimile of the Arc tic Monkeys sound right down to the exaggerated intonation and the lyrics that could have been lifted verbatim from a conversation in the queue at the Job Centre.

John Mattias – Blind
John used to be a contemporary of Thom Yorke at Exeter University and contributed to 'The Bends' album before feeling his way through the forest of folktronica. His voice has a dirty, rough hewn quality like he’s Australian and rolling around in the scrub. Recommended.

Grand National – By The Time I Get Home There Won’t Be Much Of A Place For Me
The opening bars signify a band that have spent their summers inhaling the blissed out psychedelia of Primal Scream with chiming synths and drugged out vocals harking back to the summer of ecstasy tablets and enormous home computers. Actually pretty good.

Bad Love & Licker – Spread The Bad Love EP
Clearly the Licker in the title is a deliberate misnomer as in they want you to know that they like drink but also that they’re quite stupid and like they’ve smashed a Jack Daniels bottle over their collective heads.

Natty – Cold Town
Despite having a name like a Scottish drunk this is an upbeat pop infused ska number as jolly as a float at the Notting Hill Carnival and as equally ephemeral. Once it’s passed you forget about it entirely like you’ve just ingested the Rohyponol.

Pop Levi – Never Never Love
He looks like someone who sells mung beans at Glastonbury but never judge a hippy looking fella by his beads because this is a catchy, staccato lo-fi disco number with the occasional yelp of a Michael Jackson, hitting you right in the spot that you like.
Jonathan Tomlin. said on April 30th 2008 [report abuse]

Bad journalism is everywhere. Who ever is writing on this site is sum sort of spastic. Id go back to stacking shelves in asda because your reviewing skillz are clearly bollox. Go fuck yourselfs, John t@kerrang.

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