The Great Escape - Day Three

Multiple venues, Brighton - 19 May 2007

by Jim Merrett

Text-pests throw the evening into chaos: day three of the Brighton blow out

"T-Mobile repeatedly assure us that band of the nanosecond Crystal Castles will be here imminently. Even seconds before their fabled set, a text manages to get through the Concorde 2 phone reception blackout. Only, no – what they mean to say is that everywhere else in town is busy, so they'd rather we stayed here drinking for another two hours. Crystal Castles are a no show"

Two festivals running side by side? Saturday sees marked jostling between the Great Escape and Brighton Festival, a month-long art and cultural shindig that the city’s councillors would have you believe rivals Edinburgh. Thankfully this town is big enough for the both of them.

The main event begins in the evening, but those signed up to the T-Mobile text update service are kept abreast of a clutch of ‘secret’ gigs during the afternoon. In the first clash, nubile indie hopefuls The Answering Machine [pictured] take over the city centre T-Mobile shop, only to have the party crashed by two dancing be-vested, rosy-cheeked British holiday makers who seem to have crawled out of a weak Monty Python sketch. “As if this gig wasn’t weird enough,” notes flustered but sharp frontman Martin before threatening to charge a pre-pubescent heckler for the lollypop T-Mobile have thrust into his gob. Brain-sapped shoppers stumbling past aren’t sure what to make of the stunt and a comment by Martin comparing the band to zoo attractions neatly sums up the event.

The next bout sees two men in bathing costumes and another with a cardboard boat strapped to his waist warming up the sun-soaked crowd for The Noisettes. The racket-making three-piece take to a balcony overlooking the Pavilion Gardens, providing an acoustic taster for their set later that evening at The Beach and a massive tick for the behind-the-scenes T-Mobile folk.

Fairing somewhat worse than the bathing suit pranksters, Ripcord’s attempt at an opening slot a few hours later is a far less enjoyable experience. Barely seconds after this reviewer acquires a pint – and despite a cracking line-up including Reverend And The Makers, The Noisettes (again) and Jack Peñate – the decision is made to move on (okay, okay, we were wrong, you were right, yada yada - Ed).

Sadly, we aren't the only ones who fancy Brazilian pranksters Bondo Do Role. A good 45 minutes before they are due on (and probably attracted by Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip or, improbably, by Kate Nash) the queue brings back fond memories of scenes outside Top Shop when Kate Moss unleashed some trousers she once farted next to. Or something. Only this time, we’re in the thick of it. No amount of texts from T-Mobile is going to put the determined plebs off, but with delegate passes, we get in – albeit while getting evils from regular ticket holders. But fuck ‘em, eh?

Bondo Do Role’s brand of Portuguese early Beastie Boys shouty nonsense played out over eclectic cheesy riffs – The Darkness, Grease and Europe – goes down well, but their lawyers might have a tough time of it. It's called plagiarism. Ace, though.

After an ill-advised stop-off at the King And Queen (Are you still moaning? - Ed) – a massive medieval-themed pub playing host to dinky bands like The Race and the more gormless, toothless, flesh-baring locals (myself included) – a desire to avoid queues and a report that Crystal Castles will be at the Concorde 2 has us back on the road.

We arrive just in time to see The Enemy bring their pedestrian post-Oasis indie swagger to a close. While their output offers no advancement in musical science, one of their songs - single 'Away From Here' - is still lodged in my head days later. As catchy as 28 Days/Weeks/Bowel Movements (muted threequel) Later zombie flu.

And so the wait begins. There’s a big hole in the programme, but T-Mobile repeatedly assure us that band of the nanosecond Crystal Castles will be here imminently. Even seconds before their fabled set, a text manages to get through the Concorde 2 phone reception blackout. Only, no – what they mean to say is that everywhere else in town is busy, so they'd rather we stayed here drinking for another two hours. Crystal Castles are a no show.

When the photocopier-bating XX Teens finally turn up two hours after The Enemy, reception is frosty on both sides of the stage barrier. A shame the Xerox bit has been removed – they're a thinly-disguised homage to the Velvet Underground and Joy Division. To add insult to injury the youngest of this outfit is probably pushing 35. Teenagers around the world should threaten legal action now.

The festival bows out with a suitably drunken (and quite literal) flesh-press session as those brandishing invites squeeze into the Ocean Rooms for a final blat. More beer, more networking – and oddly busy toilet cubicles. Upstairs for scenesters, more post-punk disco funk for the young ‘uns downstairs and some extremely loud (in volume, not style) bands on the ground floor for the rest of us.

The busiest day of the weekend has also offered the fewest highlights, which is a shame. Saturday’s organised chaos is not reflective of this seaside outing as a whole, which has generally proved to be a tight ship.

Life without a timetable is going to take some getting used to.
jimbo le nutsac said on May 22nd 2007 [report abuse]

dele-cunts

Jim Merrett said on May 22nd 2007 [report abuse]

What of it?

jimbo le nutsac said on May 22nd 2007 [report abuse]

Sorry Jim, what was I thinking. .dele-greats! While you're there I thought the XX Teens were superb in all but the minor age discreprencay.

jimbo said on May 22nd 2007 [report abuse]

And no, I can't spell 'discrepancy'

Tobin said on May 22nd 2007 [report abuse]

Anyone know why Bondo Do Role failed to play at Komedia?

Lovesoxxx said on May 23rd 2007 [report abuse]

They were busy working out how to spell 'discrepancy'.

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