Royworld

The Forum, Kentish Town - 4 Jun 2008

by Karmel Mandrick

Jeremy Clarkson masturbation music

"Unless you enjoy cringing at length, avoid Royworld like a stab in the testicle"

At around 7.30pm on a gorgeous Wednesday evening, an underwhelming crowd gathers from the beating sunshine into the dusty, dark interiors of the Forum and twenty minutes later, retain their well-established air of nonchalance as support act, Royworld shuffle onto the stage. The Virgin newcomers forget the pleasantries and the audience reciprocate by forgetting to listen, as most carry on, deep in conversation whilst Royworld - merely a mirage - dive straight in with 'Elasticity'.

As the band continue, the standing audience are so motionless, New Noise momentarily mistakes them for one giant cardboard cut-out. Amongst the small shoal of unenthused spectators - not even so much as a Nokia swaying to the beat - our situation is made all the more lugubrious by one particularly (or sarcastically) enthused 'fan' screaming inaudible praise in the direction of the stage, which vocalist, Rod, sadly must acknowledge in the din of silence beyond. It is the sort of excruciating reception better suited to a band performing on a Thursday night at the Dog and Swan in Margate to a collective of pensioners too busy soiling themselves to give a shit.

The problem lies not only with the ceaseless, cyclical crashing drums which would fit perfectly three minutes into a Coldplay number (in a12 second slot, as oppose to one hour). Nor is it the offensively inoffensive Christian rock sound Royworld have faultlessly adopted. The crux of their blandness is the fact that these boys were clearly standing in line at BHS when God was handing out stage presence. As a group, they don't gel appearance-wise or otherwise, presenting themselves like a supergroup made of 80's soft-rock rejects. Which they possibly are.

Radio-friendly semi-hit 'Dust' is slightly premature at three songs in but the way this is going, no one can really blame them for trying to provoke a reaction - any reaction - from the dwindling observers, who are clearly waiting for kooky headliners, Guillemots to arrive. Royworld get through it, but the audience struggle; not so much as an eyebrow-raise gesturing toward familiarity is visible (unless we count the still shrieking fan).

When the seventh song to start with a U2-esque "wooooo-ooooo, woooo-ooooo-ooooooo" still fails to strike a chord with anyone, Royworld even throw in some nifty "do-do-doooo"s. Yet again, this fails to incite even a glimmer of excitement in the now zombified onlookers. Unless you enjoy cringing at length, avoid Royworld like a stab in the testicle.
Joe Bananas said on June 11th 2008 [report abuse]

Spot on, they give average a bad name.

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