Katy Perry - One Of The Boys

by Jon Fletcher

New Noise unleashes all of its grandfatherly fury at the latest guitar pop princess to cross the Atlantic

"What is really frustrating is that this frilly, masturbatory parody of adolescence is going to sell shed loads of copies to teenagers who don’t know any better."

New Noise feels ill-equipped to pass judgement on Katy Perry’s sugary debut for three reasons.

One, this particular manifestation of New Noise is 15 years too old to fit into Perry’s target demographic (although in some of their natural trailer park environs, we’re probably old enough to have fathered a few of them).

Two, we’ve never been to an American high school. The characters in our bubble gum pop adolescent dreams wore Kappa tracksuits, slicked back pony tails and were called Tracy, Tina or Theresa rather than Cherub, Chardonnay or Chlamydia.

Three, we genuinely and unreservedly hate this sort of schmaltzy, self-aware crap.

Under the circumstances, Perry’s chances of a good review weren’t great even before we’d pressed play, but even so we were impressed at quite how awful this album is. And that’s about as close to a positive as we’re going to get.

Sure, it’s horribly predictable for a music site to bad mouth this sort of tripe, but then we can hardly be blamed when the music itself is so horribly predictable. Perry’s voice, if you’ve managed to escape the top 40 assault of ‘I Kissed A Girl’, is a nasal, digitalised version of Alanis Morrisette, which means she sounds like pretty much every other guitar pop solo artist to be spunked across the Atlantic in the last decade.

Her subject matter is that dark, girl-boy-girl-man-girl space occupied by The O.C. et al. That is to say, she’s 23 but pretends to be 16, making her songs about kissing girls who taste of cherry chap stick pretty damn disturbing. If Gareth Gates wrote a song about kissing boys with that kind of imagery he’d be reading Gareth Glitter headlines before the week was out.

Perry’s songs fall into two categories. First, there’s the gutsy chick getting one over on a wayward boy/girl/world, which generally requires a big brassy chorus with a cliché cum slogan along the lines of “Shut up and put your money where your mouth is / That’s what you get for waking up in Vegas”. What?!

Then there’s the needy hurt chick getting one over on a wayward boy/girl/world, in which case she rolls out the seeping, sloppy balladry: “Caught in the eye of a hurricane / Slowly waving good-bye like a pageant parade.” WHAT?!

What is really frustrating is that this frilly, masturbatory parody of adolescence is going to sell shed loads of copies to teenagers who don’t know any better. If Perry really wants to tell a tale of heartache and exploitation, she should pen a song about the assault of millions of school kids by an industry that legitimises and promotes artists with all the meaning, class and integrity of a spent porn star.
Mendelsohn said on August 27th 2008 [report abuse]

I think her singles are all really good.

Fletchy fletch fletch said on August 28th 2008 [report abuse]

Somehow I knew you would.

Car Smell said on August 28th 2008 [report abuse]

I too have enjoyed a bit of the Perry. But then I am probably a little closer to her target market...Oh dear...

Mendelsohn said on August 29th 2008 [report abuse]

I don't (always) do it to be difficult, you know. i think they're good pop songs, and she seems more alive than most pop types. i also think she is cute.

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